I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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