chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
