well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
