my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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