I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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