what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
