Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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