he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We need to get me chipped asap
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
