Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
