It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i drank out of a bidet.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
