Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
