He is an equal opportunity slut.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
