Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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