i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
