I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
