you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
