im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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