That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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