look no pants
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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