I want to make a zoo with you.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
