So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
