i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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