Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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