I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
