Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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