My liver just broke up with me...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And then my night got REAL pukey
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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