What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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