If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
