my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
