So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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