i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
