The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
