that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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