you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
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