Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
