So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
