I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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