Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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