My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
