I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
