Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
