I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
