then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
