Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
