3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
