If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
