my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
