Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
and you fell through a lawn chair
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
