yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize