I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
