They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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