i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
