Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
