God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
