My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
