Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
