On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
