Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
