He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my being single is dangerous.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
