I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
