I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
