Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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