i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize