In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
