Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
