i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
